


Universe

by olibloop



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: M/M, Prostitute! Pan, Reincarnation, Reincarnation AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-31
Updated: 2014-10-31
Packaged: 2018-02-23 08:00:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2540336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olibloop/pseuds/olibloop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of thoughts, pulled from a boy who loves over and over again until it hurts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Universe

**Author's Note:**

> a huge collection of felix's thoughts in a reincarnation in which pan is a hustler. didnt really want to post it here but its not bad and i need the extra space on my computer. i hope you like it! hmu at gendpurr.tumblr.com sometime to request fics, ask questions, submit art, whatever the fuck.  
> enjoy.

A galaxy.  
It’s what you saw the first time you saw him in this body.   
It feels different each time, but it’s always astronomical. 

He never remembers you. Not at first. Sometimes not at all.   
You always remember him, though.

His hair is shorter and a few shades lighter than the last time. The only word you can think of to describe his eyes is nebula. Wonder what that means. Right now, you’re watching him bargain his body to a man undeserving of even a single star in the universe of him, and you know you shouldn’t watch, but you can’t look away.  
You know you should.  
He’s a universe. He’s burning your eyes. Blinding you.  
You stare anyway.

The man looks doubtful but still hands him a handful of bills.  
Peter Pan never fails.

He always gets the short end of the stick. You’re usually the richer one, the one with a better life. Sometimes you don’t find him at all. Fate can be cruel that way.  
You usually die worse though. Guess we all have a price to pay.

He stumbles out of a car like it’s a burning building. The car speeds away and all you see is his back lightly illuminated by a dim street lamp. You feel infinitesimal.   
How can you not? You’re watching a universe walk down the street.  
Your universe. 

Sometimes he loves you. You try to find a pattern in his affections, like maybe his hair is lighter in the lives where he’s yours or his eyes get darker when he doesn’t love you back.   
The last time he loved you, his hair was black.  
The last time he didn’t, his eyes were grey. They were steel. They pierced your flesh.  
You haven’t tried deciphering what traits mean that he loves you ever since.

You know he doesn’t love you this time.  
That’s okay.   
As long as he’s nearby.

“It’s just for now, until I get back on my feet.” His voice is like a black hole. Everytime he talks, he sucks you in. He shrugs, you know he’s lying. You said the same thing the last life you had to hustle.   
It’s always just for now.

You think back the first time you saw him, and everything is dark.  
It was the middle of the day, you tell yourself. The sun was halfway done trekking through the sky, and everything was illuminated. Soft yellow against his soft skin, the sky swallowing you both. He was speaking.  
But Felix, you think, it _was_ dark.

Sometimes you can tell when he won’t love you. Sometimes it’s hopeless. Sometimes you don’t get to be part of his galaxy. Sometimes you’re just a long dead star, burning yourself up in the back of your mind.

Doesn’t matter. So long as he’s in sight.

You think of hiring him. But what do you say? Do? Tell him he’s your soulmate? That you’ve died with him a thousand times and lived with him a thousand more and that as long as your souls keep being reincarnated by this endless curse, you’re going to spend a thousand lifetimes looking for him?  
Do you pay him and use him, like everyone else?  
Use him.   
The thought makes you sick.  
You toss your cigarette in the gutter and walk away from the street corner. He’s too bright. Your eyes hurt from looking.  
You turn around and look one more time.  
You can’t help but blind yourself. As long as he’s the last thing you see.


End file.
